There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
