There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its about making memories worth repressing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
