She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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