Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
