This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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