I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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