just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize