If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My vagina is officially offended.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
