you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
