also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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