People in love make me want to vomit
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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