GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize