Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize