I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
