I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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