Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
