I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Two words: blizzard sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
