My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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