I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize