It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
