if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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