shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
