if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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