ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
