He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize