I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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