i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
