Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
