If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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