Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cannot find my penis.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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