physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize