Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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