Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
