you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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