My room smells like vodka and shame
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
