: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
