are you so shy because you have an std?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize