sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
