so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
