Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
