Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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