if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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