Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
