On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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