I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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