I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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