If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
