Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
