butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
