If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize