piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
