glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
