I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
