omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
