Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize