no, he came in my armpit
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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