The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
