I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
