I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this must be what syphilis tastes like
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
