i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
