is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
