I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize