the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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