he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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