You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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