...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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