I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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