you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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