this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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