Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
